| | it took me several years to realize i go through stages of recurring dreams. when i was younger i had dreams of being able to fly. mostly it was to get away from the cinderella-like existence i endured in the attic of a dingy orphanage. then, probably around high school, i had two different recurring dreams. both of which are slightly promiscuous, and don't ask me why as i was not in the least bit. in one i often found myself at school, usually not the one i grew to know, and the bathrooms were always public, like in the middle of the hallway, and i was highly embarrassed in having to go in front of everyone. and yet i usually did and in so endured the stares and paranoias of stares from those around me. the other, even more embarrassing, is my dreams of walking through the hallways, or sitting in class, topless. completely exposed. but apparently, to everyone else, it was normal. those were the insecure, paranoid days. then of course after nate's death i had several dreams of finding nate, alive, and in doing so would wake up with a glimpse of joy only to realize it was all a dream. those have definitely been the hardest. every time i wake up it's almost like i relive that day. but more recently has been my dreams of inability. usually i'm in some sort of fancy outfit or at some flashy upscale party and i'm wearing the hottest heels hardy's ever seen. my confidence is high and i feel spectacular in my over-polished, over-priced bettys. and yet, as i move away from the caviar or the martini bar, i realize i can't walk in the shoes. my legs are wobbly and uncoordinated and i look like a five year old trying on mum's party-wear. i look ridiculous, but try to hid it. i'm worried those around me will think i'm drunk, or worse yet, incapable. incapable of walking, fitting in, looking fabulous, i'm not sure.
hopefully i'll move on to another phase as these recurring dreams aren't helping my morale much.
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| | Posted 7/26/2007 10:27 PM - 44 Views - 2 eProps - 1 Comment
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