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| moving alongi've decided, like so many of you have, to switch to wordpress. it has been quite inconvenient making people create their own xanga just so they can respond on my site. and i like when people respond. so i thought i'd make it easier for those of you who don't want to make a stinkin xanga just to write a silly comment (of which i love, by the way).
go here:
http://surfinburton.wordpress.com/
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| you've GOT to try thisnow i am aware that many things available to us Oregonians aren't available to all of you non-Oregonians, but in this case you've got to find some way to get ahold of this product. it's called luna and larry's coconut bliss. i will never eat ice cream again that is not coconut bliss. now let me explain. this product is made from 100% organic coconut milk and so contains no dairy. it is also made with agave nectar and so therefore contains no sugar. now one would think that's too fatty and it can't be good, but let me tell you... i am an ice cream connoisseur. i have been around the world and back trying every expensive ice cream i could and NOTHING compares. i'm serious. and here's another thing: coconut has suffered a bad rap for it's saturated fat content... but this it only the FDA trying to get us to buy American products that aren't healthy for you so you develop all sorts of malnutrition and disease and therefore end up buying medications the doctors give you who are funded by those evil doers such as Monsanto who only want your money. if you don't know about any of this... look it up as you need to know. but that's beside the point. coconut's saturated fat actually PROMOTES weight loss, as it is not processed like what you know to be saturated fat. it is antiviral, antibacterial, and antiprotozoal. i have included 2 links: one of which is the link to coconut bliss' website so you can check out the flavors and see where to buy (currently Oregon and Washington seem to be the only sources), and i have also included and informational website regarding research of coconut oil and its health properties. currently i use coconut oil when i cook chicken, fish, etc., and on my bread just like butter. it's spectacular. check it out!
http://www.coconutbliss.com/
http://www.coconutresearchcenter.org/
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| there she goes againit took me several years to realize i go through stages of recurring dreams. when i was younger i had dreams of being able to fly. mostly it was to get away from the cinderella-like existence i endured in the attic of a dingy orphanage. then, probably around high school, i had two different recurring dreams. both of which are slightly promiscuous, and don't ask me why as i was not in the least bit. in one i often found myself at school, usually not the one i grew to know, and the bathrooms were always public, like in the middle of the hallway, and i was highly embarrassed in having to go in front of everyone. and yet i usually did and in so endured the stares and paranoias of stares from those around me. the other, even more embarrassing, is my dreams of walking through the hallways, or sitting in class, topless. completely exposed. but apparently, to everyone else, it was normal. those were the insecure, paranoid days. then of course after nate's death i had several dreams of finding nate, alive, and in doing so would wake up with a glimpse of joy only to realize it was all a dream. those have definitely been the hardest. every time i wake up it's almost like i relive that day. but more recently has been my dreams of inability. usually i'm in some sort of fancy outfit or at some flashy upscale party and i'm wearing the hottest heels hardy's ever seen. my confidence is high and i feel spectacular in my over-polished, over-priced bettys. and yet, as i move away from the caviar or the martini bar, i realize i can't walk in the shoes. my legs are wobbly and uncoordinated and i look like a five year old trying on mum's party-wear. i look ridiculous, but try to hid it. i'm worried those around me will think i'm drunk, or worse yet, incapable. incapable of walking, fitting in, looking fabulous, i'm not sure.
hopefully i'll move on to another phase as these recurring dreams aren't helping my morale much.
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Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame
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| i just thought about how this father's day would have been nate's first. the first time i saw jack was 2 days before nate died. i am so incredibly grateful i was able to see him with jack. he had stuck jack in the baby sling and rested him on his belly. i wanted to cry when i saw him because i knew he would be the most amazing dad. and i'm sad it only lasted for 3 months. i found a few writings nate posted on his facebook when he first started it:
All
Right, I've finally given in and joined facebook. Carter Martin told me
he had pics of him playing Desagna Diop in basketball, and I wanted to
see them, so I joined. I'm also terrible at keeping in touch so this
way everyone whose email I wrote down on the back of a receipt that I
accidently threw away, I can get in touch with again. So to those who
fall into the aforementioned group, I apologize and I'd love to hear
how you're doing. To everyone, I'm going to be a father in less than
two weeks. Holy Crap! I
am now officially a father. I feel like an old man, but then i realize
I'm not and I am really just a kid with a kid and i have no idea what
I'm doing. I thought I knew what i was doing up until Jack popped his
head out gurgling amniotic fluid everywhere (it was quite a graphic
scene). it was at that moment, with Lauren screaming and Jack's
bluish-gray head sticking out and the rest of his body still inside,
that I realized holy crap, i have no idea what to do with this thing.
Fortunately the midwife present did know what to do and he came out
fine, its the next 18 years that i have to worry about.
Aside
from the overwhelming feeling of responsibility, I'm loving being a
dad. Jacks beautiful. I never thought I'd say that about a guy, but
everytime i see him I'm amazed at the intracacy of his creation. I kiss
him too. I never thought I'd do that either. I guess I'll stop before
he gets too old, but right now he's beautiful.
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